sábado, janeiro 09, 2010

The Last Conversation of Fren & Lucio

- I have to tell you something. I don't think I'll ever tell them this, so please listen with attention. You might just be the last person to hear this story... Or rather, this confession:
You know the incident that brought me here... You remember me telling it. My confession doesn't concern its autencity. It did occur. Not exactly regret either. Regret would be a relief! What I have is doubt. I don't believe in what they believe
- But you saw the god - said Lucio, unable to contain himself anymore.
- I did. I did. I saw the light, the magnificent light. And what I have here to tell you is not based in anything concrete, it is merely a suspicion. And yet, it breaks all my faith... I must tell you, even if I lack any confirmation - or denial - of the incident. Much lately this suspicion came. Later, after the happening in the cave... When I fell down there I found the perfect ice, inside the perfect cave of haze and cold. It was beautiful. As I stood up, this sheet glowed in a soft purple light, a light that came from inside the world! Can I explain it? It was a feeling. Of silence, of repose. It all was still. The snow surrounded the ice-mirror in an organized manner; you could almost think somebody had set up he scenery before, so perfect it was.
- And you saw the god?
- And I saw, through the perfect purple light, the god. A figure coming out of the cave's face. A great shade that looked at me. That chose me. It disappeared when Myshba came to rescue me, and the boy then asked me what had I seen. I told him this and he said it was a god, as the god of light that visited him.
- And where lies your suspicion?
- Alas! Had I thought of it before! In the moment I was surprised, I was unsettled, but never suspicious. So I let it grow, the belief of me as a Chosen One. They believed it and so did I. You can almost say that they chose me, electing me as the leader by what happened at the cave. And so I was certain for a time, supported by their trust. But the night we spent at Gwich's house... it came to me, the suspicion.
- And what was it?
- As I have already told you, I didn't profess any belief in gods, at least not until some weeks ago, in the beginning of winter. Or better, I had no thought of the supernatural before coming to the company of these children. Then I believed. Now I have lost my Faith. No, I haven't lost it. Part of me suffers of the need to believe, to be like them. But part of me simply can't tolerate to be - strange choice of words! - deceived anymore.
- It is worst not to be sure than to not believe altogether! - sentenced Lucio - But continue.
- As I said, that night at the cave... I had just fallen some levels inside the ground. I could be hallucinating. I could have induced myself to see things. But these are not strong arguments, I know. I saw the light and the figure that spoke to me in the ice. The figure... I have no adjectives to describe it, unless, perhaps, 'the figure that we called god'. And there is a certain psychological irony in it. What is a god? What are the gods of ancients? We talked of it. I can't say it was a vision that came from pain. I have seen something in he cave, that is for certain. I saw someone, as I said, looking at me from the ice mirror.

- Then...
- If I had any confirmation, I would be in peace. I just suspect.
- How about the powers?
- Perhaps we always had them. Just waiting for the correct psychological situation to be unleashed. Do you remember our talks of how the mind could possibly control matter, that not our bodies?
- So it happened to all of them?
- I can't know that. I can't know anything. It is hard to say what happened in each situation. They all thought to be chosen by gods. They can't all have been deceived as I was - no, as I suspect I was! They should be confirmation of the contrary, and yet...
I can't tell them - said Fren, after a pause - They will believe in what they believe, even if I confessed my doubts. But I'll never confess. This would disturb some of them. This is something that cannot solve or finish this business and there is no way of knowing it for certain, for I can't return to that moment.
- So you will follow the Chosen Ones, and keep on being a Chosen One, even if you are not sure of it?
- Not being sure... This is my problem! How can I stop it, if a part of me is convinced it happened? I just wish to be whole again.
- Not torn apart - said Lucio?
- Not divided by it - said Fren.
- I guess this is expected. We see, but seldom understand.

3 comentários:

Marco disse...

I like what you write, and how you write it.

Ozzer Seimsisk disse...

Why is it their last conversation?

Charles Bosworth disse...

they don't cross ways again.